Summer is the worst. As soon as it gets past 80 degrees I am a hot sweaty mess, quite often unable to string a sentence together and very, very grumpy.
I know I’m not alone in my hatred of the worst season of the year so I thought I’d share a few of my favourite tips on how to survive the heat.
1 – BE DRUNK
Experts will tell you that hydration in hot weather is important. They say you should be drinking extra water when it’s hot outside to counteract any fluids you’re losing through sweat and tears (how many times have you burst into tears because you’re too hot? I’m at 37 and counting).
I vote we hydrate with booze. Being drunk will help alleviate the sweltering symptoms of summer.
Be sure to check your beverage of choice on Barnivore to make sure it’s Vegan because fish booze is cruel, gross and unnecessary!
My picks of the best cold drinks to see you through the season:
Gin & Tonic
Red wine & lemonade (half and half with lots of ice)
Anything with pineapple, mango or watermelon
Anything with the word cooler in
2 – BE ASLEEP
Be asleep for as long as you can, as often as you can. Think of sleep as a free time machine.
Find a way to sleep at your job. Unless you’re a brain surgeon. All other jobs are fine.
3 – SHUT THE SUN OUT
Keep your curtains and blinds closed and your windows open at all times.
Living in the dark for three months shouldn’t bother you if you’re following steps 1 & 2.
4 – ICE CREAM
Have a constant supply of ice cream on the go. My favourites are:
Marks & Spencer Pineapple, Coconut & lime ice lollies
5 – BE AN AIR CONDITIONING TOURIST
Go anywhere you know has A/C. Take a foldup chair, a book & a keepcup of iced coffee and stay until you get kicked out.
Why not try one of the following – the fridge aisle in your local supermarket (preferably next to the dairy free milks and not by the fish counter), the cinema or even the cinema lobby, your car, the London Overground, an industrial fridge.
Bonus points to anyone managing to do all 5 at once!