17:15 – 17:30
We’ll get stuck straight in with the gossip: there was the blogger who forgot what event she was at and kept calling the owner by the name of a rival establishment (me) and the blogger who got so drunk before the opening of a new cafe that she gave the owner a bear hug which lasted a bit longer than it should have (also me)

17:30 – 17:45
Gary Chat

17:45 – 18:00
The scandals: Alpro, Alpro, Alpro. For fucks sake, Alpro, we were all routing for you

18:00 – 18:15
The festivals: VegFest was a roaring success and I hear people are still queueing at the Temple of Seitan stand now. Then there were the other festivals with higher ticket prices

18:15 – 18:30
The documentaries: especially the one about climate change that recommends people eat more chicken!?

18:30 – 18:45
Seitan worshipping

18:45 – 19:00
There will be time at the end to discuss all the secret things we say about meat eaters when they aren’t looking

19:00 – 20:00
MENU – An entire three course meal made from aquafaba and jackfruit.
Sriracha and Engevita will be provided

20:00 – 21:00
?Most Vegan Vegan
?Best Club Mexicana
?Most Meat-Eater Conversions
?Most Inventive Use Of Kale
?Best Gary

21:00 – 00:00
Music will be provided by Morrissey

00:00 – Sunrise
AFTER PARTY – For Level 5 Vegan’s only

DRESS CODE: Vegan emblazoned beanies, badges and backpacks

Be sure to bring the receipts for your meat-eater conversions. You’ll need to hand them in to Linda so she can issue you with your Christmas Bonus Cheques.



  1. November 7, 2016 / 10:09 pm

    MATE!!!! I laughed so hard. Seriously though, the bit in Before The Flood about the chickens?!?! WTAF??? Booooo!!!

  2. November 7, 2016 / 10:10 pm

    BRILLIANT! Where do I sign up?!!

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